Galatactic Federation

The Galatactic Federation is the Bureaucracy that controls the Galaxy, but somehow can't stop an army of Drunken Aliens that do Phazon from Pillaging colonies while playing bass-boosted sea shanties. They are depressingly incompetent, except for when they go Corrupt and suddenly are a force to be reckoned with despite the fact that up until then they had successfully failed at protecting the denizens of the galaxy from Purple Smaug, a brain, and a bunch of cute jellyfish and instead had to hire a bounty hunter over and over again due to the disposability of their troopers, and the unreliability of their vehicles and commanding officer s.

Politics
The Galatactic Federation is ruled by Four Chairmen, who all sit at a table floating in the middle of nowhere playing Bingo to decide on new Policies. They are brought intel on a weekly basis, but are often too distracted by Bingo to notice. The senate is comprised of:

Birb
Birb has red eyes, 3-fingered hands, and a scaly body. His entire body is gold, and he has a short stubby beak. He often switches Bingo cards to win, and is able to do so very easily due to the fact that he has the longest arms, and that he can hide it by trying to grab a Space Wine.

Pinchy
Pinchy has one large, blue eye and wears a yellow cape with a magenta underside. His body is covered in silver armor, due to the fact that he always sits next to Puncho. He is frustrated easily, as he only has two fingers, and ends up snapping the bingo card in half whenever he tries to pick it up.

Puncho
Puncho is easily the most violent of the senators, as for some reason he never unclenches his fists, as he always punches Pinchy whenever he gets a bingo. Everybody hates Puncho, but nobody speaks up, as they do not want to be socked in the groin. Puncho is usually the one to declare yet another galactic war whenever he gets his Bingo soapbox.

Sad Hairless Bear Man
Sad Hairless Bear Man is the most competent of the senators, but is very sad, hence his name. Sad Hairless Bear Man was not always hairless, but became bald due to stress from the intense Bingo games, and lost his precious Mullet. Everybody else is glad that he no longer has his ugly Mullet.

Military
The Galatactic Federation is famously bad at playing Risk, so they usually stick to bingo. They serve mostly to make Samus look cooler, until they decide to make a bunch of Japanese Mechas and actually try to use advanced warfare. The result goes as about expected, because they let a bunch of potty-mouthed midgets into the suits who were not ready for the horrors of war, only having played CoD and Halo.